You hate your job. You are in an abusive relationship. You are sad when you get out of bed, sad when you go to bed.
Or maybe your life isn’t that rough. Maybe your job is OK, but not great. It pays the bills and, even though there are things that you hate about it, you do get some great perks, which prevent you from leaving.
Maybe you aren’t being abused, but your relationships have gone flat. Occasionally you have a moment of happiness, but it doesn’t outweigh the blandness of your life.
This was me 2 years ago. I had thought that getting my doctorate would give me status and help me feel important. I hated my job. I felt like I was always competing with other colleagues. There were things I did enjoy – teaching students, talking to them about their life in my office, helping them find confidence when they were failing, helping colleagues with things I knew how to do well. I loved all of that. And that’s why I stayed. But for me, it didn’t stay bland, it got worse. The back-biting grew, I felt I wasn’t being heard, and if I had a chance to be heard, I would be so worked up that I was crying which just made me even madder at myself. I was spending time away from my kids, my husband was working long hours. My daughter started acting out and, while she loved school, she wouldn’t go and would run down the road. It was a terrifying time. Feeling like a failure at home, struggling at work…sure good things would happen now and again, but it seemed that 3 more bad things would happen right after.
I wanted out. I wanted freedom. Freedom to be there for my daughter. Freedom from the drama at work. Freedom from feeling lied to all the time. Freedom. I thought of little else but wanting out from all of this.
But, it seemed that the more I thought about wanting to be gone, and how much I hated this about my job or that about my job or what a failure of a mom I was, the more stuck I became. The more I proved to myself that I was stuck.
Why do we stay stuck? Why do we become complacent?
Being prideful or unsure of another thing is better?
All of these have a rightful place at the dinner table, and sometimes one or two of them will change places to take the lead, but they are all taking direction from one master of ceremonies. They are all looking to the one who is hosting the event.
The host is our self-worth.
Brene Brown said it beautifully when she said, we have two tapes playing in our head. Either we hear, “never good enough?” Or, if we can move past that, “who do you think you are?” These two tapes play and play, sometimes incessantly.
You may think you don’t have those thoughts, so how about one of these?
“Can I do this?” “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not (insert whatever phrase you feed yourself).” “So-and-so can do this much better than me.” “What if people realize I’m a fraud?” “Every time I think I’m getting ahead, I get knocked down.” You get the point.
Each of these thoughts are rooted in an incorrect view of one’s self.
Growing is scary, growing is hard, growing will cause bruises and bumps, fear, tears and sweat. If it hasn’t been that way with you yet, it will be. At some point in your life you will feel this – it can either be due to others or you can choose to go through it.
Stop thinking about why you DON’T like something and focus on choosing to grow. On your own terms.
If you would to do something simple to work on getting yourself unstuck, check out my book If a Seed Can Do It.