I said it. I think it needs to be said again….
So why do I find myself entangled in its nasty web over and over again, unable to break free without someone helping me to cut the strings? It is so hard to remove those feelings alone.
I have felt a little …what’s the word… “blah” the last couple months. Nothing in particular. In fact, I think part of it is not feeling that things can move the same way I want them to move with COVID -19 taking over. Priorities for people have been shifting, businesses are changing, what people want to talk about is different. And there is some good in all of that.
But it’s left me feeling a little blah. The drive for coaching and helping others is still so important, but the timing hasn’t seemed quite right.
I know the feeling of blah quite well. We have dates regularly and are very intimate. Blah and comparison are great friends and like to throw parties together. When one shows up, the other is not far behind. Luckily, I have also learned that when I feel one coming on, I need to do something about it. Due to my religious background, two of the most important steps to getting out of blah’s claws are to fast and pray.
So I began. My prayers first started with wanting to grow the business and find more clients and evolved to doing good for those I saw that day. Some days those I saw only consisted of my children but I’m sure they were grateful that the wicked witch wasn’t hanging at the house all day.
Change Can Be Slow
For most changes, goals being met, and other things in my life, it all happens so slowly. Sometimes it is imperceptible. For my kids, slow change can be a good process. They have to practice at something to get good at it. They have to try and fail and try and fail to finally get it right. I encourage it and yearn for them to not give up! It is so easy to see the small steps in others but most of the time I am blind to my own growth. That in itself is aggravating, frustrating, and annoying! But I just kept praying and searching to do good that day and tried to let go of the rest, hoping that my blah would go away.
Wouldn’t you know it, but then I got hit by a ton of bricks. Scrolling through Instagram (you know, the BEST app to use when you don’t want to compare yourself), and a woman I follow posted about feeling blah. She then explained that she had been praying and fasting (same things I had been doing), and she got this amazing direction, zest for life, reason to live, focus on her future, and all the other wonderful things. She had everything I wanted, yet didn’t have!
I sat there and the numbness started to wash over me. Blah sat on my shoulder laughing in my ear, and comparison drove his stupid camper into my heart so quick that I felt an actual pain. He parked and set up for a long vacation.
What was I doing wrong? Why did she get answers and I didn’t? WE WERE DOING THE SAME THING!!
There’s No Magical Solution
I don’t have a magical three tip suggestion for each of us to get out of these feelings. Seeking His will and doing His will is a process of being tutored, learning to listen, having the capacity to respond, and trusting that you are doing the right thing. Comparison and blah can come up easily in each of those steps. But there are two things that I did to help unclench blah and give comparison an eviction notice.
- I thought to myself that the other person truly needed to get those answers to help her and her family, just as there have been times in my life where I knew I had gotten a clear answer. Now, as soon as I thought this, comparison drove up to my mind and said,
“So why did she get an answer and not you?”
“Does He love her more or trust her more to need her to do greater things?”
“She must be better than you.”
He is so good at not giving up and tries to bring us down. So that is where number 2 comes in….
- I say to myself, “He will hear and prepare me for the work.” If we are seeking to truly hear Him, doing what we need to do (keeping the commandments, seeking, helping, etc), His promise in the scriptures is that He will hear us and respond. If we haven’t received and answer yet, KNOW that He is preparing for you something greater. Read Doctrine and Covenants 35:3:
Behold, verily, verily, I say unto my servant (insert your name), I have looked upon thee and thy works. I have heard thy prayers, and prepared thee for a greater work.
Then I just keep trying.
I build myself up so comparison won’t move in, and I try to not tear down the other person while doing it (that has been a very hard step for me).
If you don’t have your answers yet, and you are working hard to hear Him, KNOW that He is preparing for you something greater.